Nine Toes NAUGHTY!

by Nine Toes the Bard

/
1.
Long As His Leg Kenneth had a drinkin’ horn As long as his leg, as long as his leg Kenneth had a drinking horn And he filled it up with rum Kenneth drank the rumble down Filled up his leg, filled up his leg Kenneth drank the rumble down Until it all was done To that drinkin’ horn – let’s raise a cup Though you and I – we can’t keep up Let us drink the rumble up To that horn of great reknown Let’s hear it for that drinkin’ horn As long as his leg, as long as his leg Let’s hear it for that drinkin’ horn That damn near touched the ground Kenneth had a drinking horn As long as his leg, as long as his leg Kenneth had a drinking horn That made the ladies grin The ladies loved that drinkin’ horn As long as his leg, as long as his leg Martini night they filled it up With vermouth and a lot of gin To that drinkin’ horn – let’s raise a cup Though you and I – we can’t keep up Let us drink the rumble up To that horn of great reknown Let’s hear it for that drinkin’ horn As long as his leg, as long as his leg Let’s hear it for that drinkin’ horn That damn near touched the ground Kenneth had a drinkin’ horn As long as his leg, as long as his leg Kenneth had a drinkin’ horn And he filled it up with rum Kenneth drank the rumble down Filled up his leg, filled up his leg Kenneth drank the rumble down Until it all was done Kenneth got his stumble on On wobbly leg, on wobbly leg Kenneth got his stumble on And still he made it home Kenneth had a drinking horn As long as his leg, as long as his leg Kenneth had a drinking horn And he filled it up with rum
2.
Miranda 04:34
Miranda Miranda was a lady of the evening With a gift of tellin’ fortunes on the side Her talents they were ample - Ay, the men-folk they did sample Her hips and Tarot cards, they never lied But the rest of her was sweet, sweet fabrication And she wove a bit more in it every day Till she bilked a fancy lord out of more than he could afford Miranda said – ‘Fore I lose my head, I’d best be on my way Lie, lie, lie, lie de die, lie de day Now any card’s the answer to the trouble that you’re in So she asked the cards, which one’s the one she couldn’t live without She tossed them in the air – kept the last to fall upright And she threw the other 77 out She tucked that card deep inside her corset Laced it tight and packed what she had left Now it ,ight have been some magic or the six days on the run When she unlaced herself that Devil’s grin was inked upon her breast Truth be told she ain’t playin’ with a full deck Truth be told, it doesn’t matter, not one bit She’s the best at tellin’ fortunes Son, you’d best get out your gold For Miranda and the Devil on her tit Now you’ve got to love a woman keeps her cards close to her chest And Miranda’s got the Devil’s own to guard If you’re wantin’ some cavortin’ – then it be your good fortune She’s got somethin’ else in mind when she says she’ll read your cards Truth be told she ain’t playin’ with a full deck Truth be told, it doesn’t matter, not one bit She’s the best at tellin’ fortunes Son, you’d best get out your gold For Miranda and the Devil on her tit Now, Miranda’s spent some time with ink and needle And every Tarot card is tattooed on her flesh From the Major to the Minor – nah, you won’t see nothin’ finer Than when Miranda gets to shufflin’ her deck Truth be told she ain’t playin’ with a full deck Truth be told, it doesn’t matter, not one bit She’s the best at tellin’ fortunes Son, you’d best get out your gold For Miranda and the Devil on her tit
3.
4.
Pirate Lips 03:05
Pirate Lips (c) 2018 G. LaMonte I was an innocent bystander standin' at the bar When I found myself surrounded by a bunch of folks cried AARGH There were feathers in their tricorns and pistols on their hips And I found myself a kissin' a pair of pirate lips Hey Ho, a pirate's lips are fuzzy Hey Ho, a pirate's lips, they taste of rum so sweet Hey Ho, it's a fact Aha, no turnin' back Don't get between me and my one-eyed Jack It s a pirate's lips for me He sang to me of wind and sea and raidin' I heard him tellin' tales of lands so far away from me His hair it smelt of salt and his muscles oh so taut I kissed him once again, said would you like some company Hey Ho, a pirate's bed is comfy Hey Ho, how it swings when we are out to sea Hey Ho, it's a fact Aha, no turnin' back Don't get between me and my one-eyed Jack It s a pirate's lips for me And when those pirate lips whisper I love thee He can steer me anywhere he please And when he bellows out those pirate shanties He can sing the bloomin' panties off of me Hey Ho, a pirate's life is wicked Hey Ho, it s storm and salt and sex on seven seas Hey Ho, it's a fact Aha, no turnin' back Don't get between me and my one-eyed Jack It's a pirate's life I'll be a pirate's wife Hey Ho, a pirate's lips are fuzzy Hey Ho, a pirate's lips, they taste of rum so sweet Hey Ho, it's a fact Aha, no turnin' back Don't get between me and my one-eyed Jack It s a pirate's lips for me (c) Gina LaMonte 9/2018
5.
The Shipwrecked Pirates of Summerland and the Round Eared Elves of Camp Rivendell (c) 2015 G. LaMonte
6.
Ring It Every Day (c) G. LaMonte 2018
7.
St. Joan’s Balls Are you in need of miracles? Are you in need of grace? I’m the Relic trader, I’ve got a bit of every Saint. I’ve got your Holy Relics, guaranteed the “faux” real thing Blood and bone and eyelash, fallen Angel hair and wing To fix your place in Heaven, to chase all ills away For your eternal salvation, coin’s a tiny price to pay But if you’ve been extra naughty, and deeper is your need I’ve got bits the everyday man is not prepared to see So, bring your purse, we’ll make that deal; step this way with me Promise you’ll never speak of what you’re about to see St. Joan of Arc was woman! Yes, she was one righteous dude And if you are in need of testicular fortitude If you need to grow a pair, if you’re needin’ to stand tall These were pulled straight from the fire! I’ve got St. Joan’s Balls St. Joan’s Balls St. Joan’s Balls Three schillings each or five for the pair I’ve got St. Joan’s Balls Here’s a lovely relic from the Mother of our Lord The sweetest Virgin Mary, her hair is woven in this cord ‘Tis not the hair upon her head, so it comes at greater cost Some silver for her curly bits and you’ll grow back what you lost Mother Mary’s Curls Mother Mary’s Curls Grow back what you once gave away With Mother Mary’s Curls Baby Jesus, He was Jewish, and even without sin That first sacrifice at eight days old was that little band of skin If you’re feelin’ poorly, just grip this relic tight Give it a hearty shake, and like our Saviour, you shall rise The Foreskin of our Lord The Foreskin of our Lord All that’s dead shall rise again The Foreskin of our Lord

about

Nine Toes NAUGHTY! Seriously, NOT for the Littles!

credits

released March 28, 2017

Art/Jesse Guggino

Long as His Leg, Miranda, The Floggin Frog Inn, and St. Joans Balls recorded, mixed & mastered with John Seda @ Rising Sun Music Recording Studios, Tampa, Florida risingsunstudios.com

Pirate Lips, Shipwrecked and Ring It Every Day recorded and mixed by me in my wee studio in Tampa, FL

All songs written and performed by G. LaMonte

Upright Bass on “Miranda”/Jerry Ledsome

The Floggin’ Frog Chorus got downright naughty on “Long As His Leg” and “St. Joan’s Balls.” Betsy L. Jenkins, D.J. Palumbo aka Lady Darjuxena, Lyn Shanahan, the Grand Duchess Laura Jo VII, Tim Shanahan, Squire Frank, and Jesse Guggino.

license

all rights reserved

tags

about

Mama Gina Tampa, Florida

Award winning singer/songwriter & wanderlust ... fearless story-telling ... bluesy vocals ... humor ... straight-ahead, rhythmic, 12 string acoustic guitar ... djembe ... frame drums ... all weft and warp of the soul of this bard

contact / help

Contact Mama Gina

Streaming and
Download help

Redeem code

Report this album or account

If you like Nine Toes NAUGHTY!, you may also like: