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St. Joan's Balls

from Nine Toes NAUGHTY! by Nine Toes the Bard

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Definitely adult themed - not suitable for the Littles in your life ... or for anyone easily offended by, well, ANYTHING!

lyrics

St. Joan’s Balls


Are you in need of miracles? Are you in need of grace?
I’m the Relic trader, I’ve got a bit of every Saint.
I’ve got your Holy Relics, guaranteed the “faux” real thing
Blood and bone and eyelash, fallen Angel hair and wing

To fix your place in Heaven, to chase all ills away
For your eternal salvation, coin’s a tiny price to pay
But if you’ve been extra naughty, and deeper is your need
I’ve got bits the everyday man is not prepared to see

So, bring your purse, we’ll make that deal; step this way with me
Promise you’ll never speak of what you’re about to see

St. Joan of Arc was woman! Yes, she was one righteous dude
And if you are in need of testicular fortitude
If you need to grow a pair, if you’re needin’ to stand tall
These were pulled straight from the fire! I’ve got St. Joan’s Balls

St. Joan’s Balls
St. Joan’s Balls
Three schillings each or five for the pair
I’ve got St. Joan’s Balls

Here’s a lovely relic from the Mother of our Lord
The sweetest Virgin Mary, her hair is woven in this cord
‘Tis not the hair upon her head, so it comes at greater cost
Some silver for her curly bits and you’ll grow back what you lost

Mother Mary’s Curls
Mother Mary’s Curls
Grow back what you once gave away
With Mother Mary’s Curls

Baby Jesus, He was Jewish, and even without sin
That first sacrifice at eight days old was that little band of skin
If you’re feelin’ poorly, just grip this relic tight
Give it a hearty shake, and like our Saviour, you shall rise

The Foreskin of our Lord
The Foreskin of our Lord
All that’s dead shall rise again
The Foreskin of our Lord

credits

from Nine Toes NAUGHTY!, released March 28, 2017

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Mama Gina Tampa, Florida

Award winning singer/songwriter & wanderlust ... fearless story-telling ... bluesy vocals ... humor ... straight-ahead, rhythmic, 12 string acoustic guitar ... djembe ... frame drums ... all weft and warp of the soul of this bard

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